Until You Do
by Ekai Ungson
Summary: Having been friends with Hiiragizawa Eriol for two solid years hasn't made it very easy for Daidouji Tomoyo. No, there wasn't a problem with the friendship. The friendship WAS the problem...
1. Prologue: Otomodachi

DISCLAIMER: I do not own CLAMP, Card Captor Sakura, or any of the characters expressed or used within this fanfiction.   
  
Until You Do  
By Ekai Ungson  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
"You know. It's just art, right now, but really, it's the first thing that kept us together long enough to be friends."  
  
"Yes, that's true."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Prologue: Otomodachi  
  
"Pass me the tangerine."  
  
One swift movement, when shadow broke sunlight.  
  
"Here. Can you pass me the charcoal?"  
  
"Charcoal? What for?"  
  
"I'm trying something out. Now please hand it over."  
  
Easy companionship. Solid, stable.   
  
Sun in shadow.   
  
Shadow in sun.  
  
And this was only a simple Art project on still-life.  
  
Daidouji Tomoyo huffed audibly. "Art," she stated, "-is not one of my strong points. I believe I'm making a mess, Hiiragizawa-kun."  
  
Hiiragizawa Eriol turned and looked over her work. It was a ballerina sketch, a ballerina on a stand, the kind that turned as it played music. Now he saw what she did with the charcoal. She used it first as a shadow, and then brushed water over it to create a smoky effect.   
  
The problem was --she used too much water.  
  
He grabbed a sponge and tried to salvage the artwork. She'd had a great idea, using the smoky effect. She just had to learn how to use it.  
  
"It's fine, look," he said. "You just have to lessen the liquid a bit."  
  
She let out a small whine. "Gomen nasai. You always have to be the one who rescues me from these mishaps."  
  
He smiled gently. "It's my pleasure, Daidouji-san. We are partners, after all."   
  
She smiled back. "Whenever I need help you're always there. Save for Sakura-chan, you are the person I'm most close to."  
  
"I know you'd do it for me, too, if I had any problems."  
  
"That's the thing. You never have problems, Hiiragizawa-kun. You're too good at everything you do." She looked at him. "Kedo. I want you to promise me, however, that when you need help you'll ask for mine, first and foremost."  
  
He was a little taken aback. "Thanks for the offer, Daidouji-san. Maybe I will take you up on that someday."  
  
She beamed.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
"They seem sad."  
  
Eriol turned to Tomoyo, who had given the comment. Such a childlike, innocent comment. So simple in its deliverance.  
  
And yet, it spoke volumes.  
  
"Sad?" he repeated as he turned back to his finished painting, a landscape of violets against a still lake.   
  
"They seem a little alone, you see? And gloomy, even though the painting expresses a season of happiness," she added. Then she turned to him. "I don't mean to intrude, Hiiragizawa-kun. But have you been lonely these past few days? Or sad?"  
  
He turned to meet her eyes. "Where did you get the idea?"  
  
She nodded toward the painting. "Summed up, it's like loneliness trying to pass itself off as happy in the false sense," she stated. "A tad philosophical. But that's what I see."  
  
"It is also truth," he answered.  
  
She paused. "So you HAVE been lonely. About what?"  
  
He hesitated.  
  
"I know you enough, Hiiragizawa-kun. And you did promise me you'd tell if you were bothered," she added. "I may not understand, but venting it out will do some good, believe me."  
  
So much had stemmed from something so simple.  
  
And if she saw what he put into a simple landscape who knew what else she could see?  
  
Maybe she was right.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
"You were out awfully late today, Tomoyo-chan."  
  
Tomoyo bowed. "Gomen nasai, okaa-sama," she said. "I had to help out otomodachi-kun."  
  
"Otomodachi?" Daidouji Sonomi repeated. "Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Iie," Tomoyo shook her head. "Hiiragizawa-kun." 


	2. Should I Feel So Empty

DISCLAIMER: Standard disclaimers apply. See prologue for full disclaimer.  
  
Until You Do  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
You tell me things I've never known  
I've shown you love you've never shown  
But then again when you cry  
I'm always at your side  
You tell me 'bout the love you've had   
I listen very eagerly   
But deep inside you'll never see  
This feeling of emptiness; it makes me feel sad  
But then again, I'm glad  
  
--"Friend Of Mine"; Lea Salonga  
  
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Chapter I: Should I Feel So Empty  
  
She had kept it a secret, these two years, and she'd been pretty good at it, too. She'd managed to keep her mouth shut at the most opportune moments, like at his house for tea last year and at the Music room at school several, several times.  
  
But the truth was, she was in love with Hiiragizawa Eriol.  
  
It had begun when she was thirteen, that first time he'd opened up to her, that time when she read his landscape correctly. Over the years they'd grown closer, closer to each other.  
  
And then one morning it simply hit her as blindingly obvious.  
  
She'd been staring at him then, that morning when she was fifteen, as he labored over his roses.  
  
And boom.  
  
They weren't children anymore.  
  
Her "otomodachi-kun" was a remarkably intelligent, ridiculously talented, hopelessly handsome young man.   
  
And she was in love. Not at first sight, no. Just a realization of what HAD been happening all those years they'd been friends.  
  
They'd been changing, seriously. She'd changed, too. She lost a tad of the meek, humble, quiet image. It was replaced by a slightly rebellious, fast-talking attitude that predictably got her mostly everything she wanted.  
  
Tomoyo sighed. Mostly everything.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimas, kitsune-san."  
  
She looked up to meet laughing eyes of dark blue. "Mou, otomodachi-kun. Watashi wa kitsune jannai no."  
  
Eriol only chuckled. "You sound so much like Sakura-san when you do that."  
  
Kitsune. A fox. Eriol had given her the name when he observed her cunningly trying to fast-talk her way out of responsibility in the school committee. He'd said she sounded like one. She pointed out that foxes didn't talk. He then said that she looked like one. She fumed. And so the name had stuck.  
  
"Have you done your English homework?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, O Great Studious One," she replied in a dazed voice that mocked his bossiness.  
  
He looked pointedly at her. "The Math?"   
  
"Yes, O Great Studioud One."  
  
"The Literature?"  
  
"Yes, O Great Studious One. Do you require anything else, O Great Studious One?"  
  
"Stop calling me 'O Great Studious One'."  
  
"Then stop _bossing me around_."  
  
The bell rang.  
  
He took his seat behind her. She smiled. Always behind her. Close. And when she fell, he would catch, unfailingly.   
  
"What are you smiling about?" he whispered.  
  
She smirked. "That'll be for me to now and you to find out."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Two thin envelopes of pink paper fell into Eriol's hands that day as he opened his locker.  
  
Tomoyo shook her head. "And wide popularity, not to mention extreme good looks, strikes again," she teased. "Tsk tsk."  
  
He shoved the letters in his pocket. "This is the third in a week."  
  
Tomoyo only laughed and opened her own locker. Inside, she was seething with jealousy.  
  
And then five envelopes fell to her hands.  
  
"Ha!" she heard Eriol say triumphantly. "And the same to you, too. Look who's talking about wide popularity and extreme good looks."  
  
"... stooge... seventh... three days..." Tomoyo muttered.  
  
"I didn't quite catch that, Tomoyo-san?" Eriol prompted cheerfully.  
  
"I said, 'What a stooge, for the seventh time, in three days'!" Tomoyo repeated exasperatedly. "What IS with these men? I never reply, and I nevr entertain, so why do they keep bombarding me?" She turned to him. "And YOU! I don't know why you relish this so, you crazy loon."  
  
"'Crazy loon''s redundant, kitsune. Let's go grab a bite."  
  
"Shouldn't you read those and try to decipher the writing so you can find out whose brave souls called you out?"   
  
"And have you breathing down my neck trying to sneak a peek and then taping the embarassing exchange? Never."  
  
"Very funny, Hiiragizawa."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Music class and Eriol was yet again on piano and Tomoyo was yet again front and center for vocals.  
  
Tomoyo smiled. Again, that familiarity that when anyone said "Daidouji-san can sing", it was usually followed by a "Hiiragizawa-kun can play."  
  
Hiiragizawa, Daidouji.  
  
Daidouji, Hiiragizawa.  
  
Applause broke out, and Tomoyo went back to her seat.  
  
"Arigato gozaimas, Daidouji, Hiiragizawa," Goshen-sensei said. "Class, the piece they performed is your assignment for the week. You may go."  
  
On cue, the bell rang.  
  
As Tomoyo gathered her books, Eriol whispered, "Will you wait?"  
  
"I always wait, dimwit," came the reply. "Sure. You go break more hearts while I stand guard."  
  
"That's why you're my friend, kitsune."  
  
"Bah."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Hushed whispers hidden in the fleeting shadows of sunset.  
  
A declaration of love.  
  
A polite rejection.  
  
Always, always.  
  
And as always the dejected party would watch two figures walk off towards home.  
  
One was a raven haired girl, with violet eyes that held no expression.  
  
And the other was the object of said party's affections.  
  
After which, she would get over it, thinking;  
  
*Of course. Taken.*  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Tomoyo looked back.  
  
*I know what you're thinking.  
  
I wish.* 


	3. Understanding Change

Until You Do  
an ExT by Ekai Ungson  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CLAMP or Card Captor Sakura. If I did I would've put Eriol in with Tomoyo instead of that Kaho woman. Argh. Oh, well. ~-^  
  
DEDICATION: This goes out to all the ladies out there who have loved and failed as I have. Never lose hope, guys! We'll get there.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
I'm sorry  
Why should I say I'm sorry   
If I hurt you  
You know you hurt me, too  
But you  
Get lost inside your tears  
And there is nothing I can do  
'Cause I get lost inside my fears  
And I am nothing without you  
  
-- "Get Lost"; Eric Clapton  
  
  
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Chapter III: Understanding Change  
  
"I do hope you were gentle with her back there, otomodachi-kun," Tomoyo began.  
  
Eriol looked at her. "Hey, it's not like I enjoy this, all right? You know that."  
  
"I do," she replied. "It's just that you have a tendency to be harsh sometimes."  
  
"Believe me, Tomoyo," he said softly. "I'm never harsh when it comes to things like that."  
  
A few more steps and the Daidoujis' mansion came into view.  
  
"Mata ashita, Tomoyo-san," Eriol said.   
  
Tomoyo turned to look at him. "Hiiragizawa-- I believe you."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Ever had the instance that you opened your mouth and screamed your lungs out and yet no sound came out?  
  
A silent scream.  
  
A quiet desperate plea wishing to get out but HAS to stay in.  
  
Usually, she never had to vocally profess her trust in him, in the simple logic that she knew he knew he had her trust.  
  
But today, she did. And she couldn't find the reason why she did.  
  
Things were changing yet again.  
  
The thing was-- would she be able to handle them?  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
The word for it was paradox.   
  
A statement that seems contradictory but may be true in fact.   
  
Or a person that seems contradictory but the contradicting personality was the true personality.  
  
Eriol sat at the big red armchair in the middle of the library, trying to piece together the puzzle that was his kitsune-san, Daidouji Tomoyo.  
  
But whenever he began to at least undersatnd one part of the equation, the elements changed yet again, often with mind-boggling results that drove him unfailingly insane. He, Hiiragizawa Eriol, reincarnation of master mage Clow Reed, was, quite frankly, stumped.  
  
And the clincher was, she, in turn, could see straight through him, or read him like a book of children's nursery rhymes. Tomoyo took him apart, component by component, and pronounced his complications to be.. well.. simple.  
  
When he asked how she did it, she would only smile enigmatically. Which drove him crazy. Which had not changed in six years.  
  
Wise, he was. But he wasn't wise enough to figure her out.  
  
The door opened and a sliver of light broke the darkness he was sitting in.   
  
"Eriol-sama?" Akizuki Nakuru's voice shattered the silence. "What are you doing in there?"  
  
"Figuring out a friend," he replied.  
  
"Same as usual, huh?"   
  
"Yes, Ruby Moon. Same as usual."  
  
"By the way this arrived today."  
  
The guardian handed him a letter.  
  
"This is from who?" Eriol asked.  
  
"Mizuki-sensei." 


	4. Do I Have To?

Until You Do  
an ExT by Ekai Ungson  
  
DISCLAIMER: See previous chapters for full disclaimer.  
  
DEDICATION: The Power of Four and the Three Musketeers. Hwee, guys. We graduate soon. And then where would I be?  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Do I have to stand here and watch  
your sorrow?  
Because the truth is I can't stand  
to see you cry  
And maybe it's so wrong to want   
more  
When you're crying for her  
and not for me.  
  
-- "For Her"; Ekai Ungson  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Chapter III: Do I Have To?  
  
"Ohayo gozaimas!"  
  
Eriol looked up to see Tomoyo float into the classroom. He smiled. "Ohayo."  
  
The girl paused to look at him curiously.  
  
"What?" he asked nervously.  
  
Tomoyo's eyes narrowed. "You don't look so good."  
  
"He doesn't?" Kinomoto Sakura asked from behind her. "He looks perfectly fine to me."  
  
*Yeah,* he thought. *I look perfectly fine to me, too,* he added mentally.  
  
But that was Daidouji Tomoyo. No ounce of magic in her blood or soul. But sharper than a freshly honed blade. To see through him was a stroke of pure psychic ability on her part.  
  
Or maybe it was just a result of a deep friendship.  
  
Tomoyo smiled at Sakura. "It's nothing, otomodachi."  
  
But when Sakura had turned her back the raven haired girl was on him with a look that clearly screamed, "But I know it's NOT nothing, and it's not okay, and I intend to beat it out of you later on in the day, Hiiragizawa."  
  
He would tell her eventually.  
  
Later.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
When the lunch bell rang Tomoyo pulled Eriol with her to her locker.  
  
"I spared you in homeroom, and Chemistry, and in Literature. I do NOT, however, intend to spare you any longer," she stated. She hit the combination on her locker with unerring speed and pulled out two lunchboxes that she dumped deftly into his arms. Then she took his shoulders, turned him around, and marched him out into the courtyard before he could get a word of protest out in edgewise.  
  
Under an old oak she sat him down and ordered him to talk.  
  
"Can't I eat first?" Eriol whined.  
  
Tomoyo shoved a lunchbox toward him.  
  
He made a face.  
  
"Refuse it and perish," she said. "Any attempt of escape will be futile."  
  
"What, are you psychic now?" Eriol asked. "You knew I was going to be a little off today so you packed two lunches?"  
  
"No, actually okaa-sama just got a new cook and wants us to try it out. She says hi by the way," Tomoyo answered. "Now will you talk?"  
  
Eriol shoveled food into his mouth. Tomoyo let out an exasperated huff.  
  
"Is it that bad that you even hesitate telling me?" she asked. "This is ME you're talking to."  
  
He swallowed and turned to her. "Kaho is coming in a week."  
  
She blinked, gulped, and then said, "So? Aren't you happy that you'll get to see her?"  
  
"Have I told you she left me?"  
  
Told her? He'd cried on her shoulder all night. She nodded.  
  
"She's bringing her boyfriend to Tomoeda. And they want to stay at my house. The thing is--" he ran a hand through his hair. "-- I agreed."  
  
Her heart aching, she chided him. "You're a top-of-the-line moron."  
  
He smirked. "I knew you'd say that."  
  
"You could've refused, you know," she pointed out. "It's YOUR house."  
  
"It's hers, too," he answered. "It's ours."  
  
Ours.  
  
One word that echoed in the hollowness of Tomoyo's heart that meant only one thing.  
  
*Mizuki-sensei still owns him.*  
  
She remembered EXACTLY why she kept her feelings from Eriol, even when she knew he was free. It was because she knew that Mizuki Kaho's hold on him was stronger than any chain made on earth.  
  
And she knew he refused to let her go.  
  
She mentally kicked herself to focus. Focus on the problem before her.  
  
"Do you know for how long, otomodachi-kun?" she asked.  
  
Otomodachi-kun. Familiarity. If he hadn't noticed, she only called him that in serious conversations. A special name. My most important friend.  
  
"At least a month, maybe more," he said resignedly.  
  
On an impulse, she took his hand. "It'll be all right. It won't be for eternity, see? Don't stress on it."  
  
Secretly, she could feel her heart breaking.   
  
*I would do basically anything for you, otomodachi-kun,* she thought. *Though sometimes I wonder why I do.*  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Eriol squeezed back on the hand that was holding his and felt a surge of warmth run through him.  
  
Yes, maybe he could survive a month, maybe more, with Kaho and her man. It'd be all right. He had someone to lean back on now.   
  
He had Tomoyo. His best friend, his life preserver.  
  
All would be well. 


	5. Nothing to Say

Until You Do  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
Notes: You've got to be kidding. I haven't seen this one in a looooong while. Sorry to the fans I had to make wait. I'd been busy uploading the newer stuff so much that I completely forgot! Anyway, here. Hope it makes you happy. ^-^  
  
Legality: CLAMP owns it, and I'm just... infringing them. Heh.  
  
DEDICATED: ze lovely fans. LoOoOoOvely you all are. ^-^  
  
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The girl's a fool; she broke the rules  
She hit him hard  
This time, he will break down  
  
-- "Old Town"; The Corrs Unplugged  
  
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Chapter IV: Nothing To Say  
  
"Try to breathe, Hiiragizawa," Tomoyo chided.  
  
"But I AM breathing," Eriol said weakly.   
  
"Like hell you are. Relax, you'll be fine."  
  
He smiled at her. "Now you know why I brought you here."  
  
/I sure do,/ she thought. /But why I agreed to a front-seat view to see your heart breaking is beyond me./ "Yes, I do," she replied. "It's to keep you from dying of oxygen starvation."  
  
They were at the airport, waiting for Mizuki-sensei's plane to land. Well, she was waiting for Mizuki-sensei's plane to land. From the looks of Eriol, he wanted for her to land and then board the next plane far, far away from Tomoeda. He was being... edgy. And an Edgy Eriol was a BAD Eriol.   
  
/"Landing on Gate 215rt, Flight 167a from London, England."/  
  
Tomoyo looked up. "THAT would be her."  
  
She heard Eriol sigh to steady himself. She considered doing the same thing, but she was beyond steadying now. To steady herself, she'd need to encase herself in a pillar of ice. Hell. Was she actually prepared for this?   
  
A crimson-haired woman was walking toward them, eyes shining, dripping gorgeous from head to toe.   
  
Oh, Kami-sama, was she ever NOT prepared for this.  
  
Mizuki Kaho paused in front of Eriol.   
  
"Eriol," she said simply.  
  
"Kaho," Eriol returned.  
  
Tomoyo winced. /Later they'll be turning to me and saying 'Tomoyo'. Let's all go create a conversation out of first names! Oh, holy, holy God./ She took a step back, wishing to hide. It was like a car wreck. You know you don't want to look, and you know looking would only make you feel horrible, but something inside you just compelled you to watch.  
  
"My boyfriend," Kaho began as a man sidled up next to her. "This is Morisato Kyosuke. Kyosuke, this is Hiiragizawa Eriol, my very good friend."  
  
Tomoyo winced yet again.  
  
Eriol shook the man's hand. Tomoyo watched in silence, hoping that they'd forget she was there.  
  
No such luck. Eriol-- the miserably insufferable, unbelievable excuse for a man-- grabbed her hand and pulled her into the circle.  
  
"Kaho, you remember Daidouji Tomoyo-san?" he asked.  
  
"I certainly do," Kaho smiled. "How do you do, Daidouji-san? You've grown even more beautiful as the years pass."  
  
Tomoyo smiled, but she had to try very very hard, as she was nervous as hell. "I'm fine, thank you very much..."  
  
Silence. Of the tensest degree.  
  
/Oh, say something,/ Tomoyo screeched silently. /Someone, please say something! Anything./  
  
"Shall we go?" Eriol offered.   
  
"Yes, let's," Kaho agreed.  
  
And Tomoyo fervently thanked the gods.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Once Kaho and Kyosuke had settled in Eriol's house, Tomoyo said her goodbyes.  
  
Eriol walked her to the door.  
  
"Mata ashita, otomodachi-kun," she said softly.   
  
He squeezed her hand. "Tell me, kitsune-san, why am I so weak?"  
  
She smiled gently. "Wakaranai. Maybe because you are only human. Like everyone else. You feel sorrow, and pain, and regret, especially now." She squeezed back on his hand. "I would deem you very, very strange if you weren't hurt at the least over all this."  
  
He nodded slightly. "Shall I walk you home?"  
  
"No, Okaa-sama sent the car. Thanks for the offer, anyway," she said.  
  
Before she knew what was happening, Eriol had grabbed her in a hug. "Take care of yourself."  
  
"I... I'll see you tomorrow," Tomoyo replied softly. "You'll be all right. Call me when you have trouble. I'll.. I'll feed you lots and lots of Cadbury."  
  
She felt him smile against her hair and felt her heart ache with longing.  
  
He let her go and she immediately felt the emptiness in his absence.  
  
"'Til tomorrow, kitsune-san."  
  
"Ja na, otomodachi-kun."  
  
When she turned and walked towards his gate, he closed the door and leaned against it.  
  
/Thank you, Tomoyo-san.  
  
I need you so much sometimes./  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
"What did I see when I looked at you? An arrangement of molecules affected by light? A vision of my own? A vision of you? You as you really are, unaffected by darkness, stripped out of the net that captived you," Tomoyo read softly, and put the book down. Tired, she was, so tired.   
  
/"Tell me, kitsune-san, why am I so weak?"/  
  
/Because you are you, and you love her,/ she answered silently. /You still do, and all I have to be is there for you to catch you when you begin falling. Even if I do feel pain at that./  
  
Always feel pain at her expense, is it not? Always try to make the one you love happy, because that's where you will be happy, too. That's the way it was with Sakura-chan.   
  
But she was feeling so. Much. Pain.  
  
She had never felt so much pain, not even when Sakura didn;t return her feelings back then, long, long ago.  
  
She let both hands fall to her side limply, as she stared forward into the mirror.  
  
/Sometimes you ask me to do the most difficult things, Hiiragizawa./  
  
She stared into her own violet eyes, seeking answers. Clarifications.   
  
But why, huh? Why do you keep doing the things you do?  
  
/Because I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop.... loving him./  
  
You can always refuse him.  
  
/I can't. I can't stand to see him in pain./  
  
Even at the expense of your own heart breaking?  
  
She nodded. /Even at the expense of my heart breaking./  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
"Eriol-sama, we're going to bed!" Nakuru sang out.  
  
"Close the door on your way out," Eriol replied.  
  
Spinel paused. "Are you all right, Eriol?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
I'm all right. For now.  
  
--~tsuzuku  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Disclaimer: The excerpt that Tomoyo reads ("What did I see..") was lifted from Jeanette Winterson's "Art & Lies". Brilliant woman, that. ^_^ 


	6. Break

Until You Do  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
and this is dedicated tooooo:  
  
Chocolate Drop! For insisting. I do love you.  
  
Legality: CLAMP owns everything except fic plot. That's mine. ^-^  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
"I just thought I'd let you know that even though I'm far,  
I'm close to you within.  
And all the time spent by your side is taken deep in me,  
held for me to look upon when I'm feeling like  
everything and one is hurting me for something or other.  
It takes me to a better place,  
nowhere I'd rather go  
  
Thought I'd let you know....."  
  
-- "Let You Know"; Hoobastank, Hoobastank  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Chapter V: Break  
  
"Daidouji."  
  
Tomoyo looked up to meet the amber eyes of Li Syaoran. "Hai, Li-kun?"  
  
Syaoran stared at her with doubtive eyes. "Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm fine, Li-kun,?" Tomoyo replied. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"You don't seem so okay," Syaoran grunted. "At least not as okay as you usually are. Because I've been trying to get your attention for the past twenty minutes or so and you only answered just now."  
  
"Sorry," she whispered. "I guess I'm a tad preopccupied."  
  
"I'll say," Syaoran replied. His eyes softened. "You want to tell me about it?"  
  
She looked at him and managed a smile, but that smile made Syaoran wince for some unknown reason. She touched his shoulder. "I'm fine for the moment, Li-kun. But thanks for the concern. I might have to take you up on that offer someday."  
  
He nodded, and the class bell rang. Syaoran made his way toward his seat and the door opened. He turned.  
  
Hiiragizawa.  
  
He turned again and saw Daidouji look up for the briefest of moments and right then he knew that something was up and it wasn't any good at all.   
  
Daidouji was his friend. He would find out what was up soon enough.  
  
And if Hiiragizawa had anything to do with it, he'd have to answer to him.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
When Eriol passed by Tomoyo he heard her low whisper, "daijobu ka?"  
  
"Hai," he whispered back as he slid into his seat.  
  
Class prevented them from talking any further.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Tomoyo sighed. Their friendship had always been open. She knew everything he was about. He knew everything she was feeling, doing.   
  
Or, mostly everything.  
  
But ever since Mizuki-sensei's arrival, things were a little tense.  
  
A little closed.  
  
/It's not like this,/ she thought. /With him and me it's not like this. He and I should be talking, laughing. I should be knowing all./  
  
/But the thing is-- now he's hiding from me. He never hides himself. No matter what it is./  
  
/And me, what of me? I close myself to him because he might see something more than that I want to show him./  
  
She looked up at the sky, and then at the boy walking beside her.  
  
She grabbed his hand and looked up at his surprised eyes.  
  
"Talk to me," she pleaded. "I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything. Talk to me, don't hide away like this. It makes me sad."  
  
He stared at her. "Do you want to know the truth?"  
  
/No,/ she thought. /This is going to be about Mizuki-sensei. This is going to be about her and you and how sad you are, and I can't bear it, I can't bear it, but I'll bear it anyway, for you, always for you... I love you too much to see you like this. I... I'll take all of this just so you won't be so lonely./ "Yes."  
  
"The truth is, I want to cry, Tomoyo-san," he said. "The truth is it's killing me to see them together but I have no right to cry out because she's not mine, not mine..." his voice broke, and she squeezed on his hand. "The truth is I want to scream my lungs out, because, because..." He stopped. "I still love her. So much."  
  
/Damn it,/ she thought as she pulled him in a hug. His head bent down to bury itself into her hair. /Damn it all. Damn the hell of it all. Why aren't you seeing this, Mizuki-sensei? Why don't you see how much it's hurting him?! How much you're hurting him? And why do you choose to prolong his pain.../  
  
"I still love her-- why am I so weak?" he whispered. "Tomoyo-san, why?"  
  
"You know I don't know, ne?" she said. "All I do know is that when you fall, I go off and catch you. It doesn't matter hwta the reason is. Besides," she added. "We can't solve all of the problems in this world."  
  
/But I can fix you. I'll try my damnedest to fix you. Otomodachi-kun.../ First, she would try.  
  
And then, she could break, finally. 


End file.
